I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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