she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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