we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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