You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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