very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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