Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize