I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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