She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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