before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize