why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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