my phone needs a breathalizer
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize