woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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