I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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