Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize