I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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