just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize