... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize