turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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