Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize