I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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