I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize