When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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