just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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