We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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