I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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