I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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