Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize