Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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