Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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