She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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