plz talk dirty to me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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