I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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