I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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