i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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