Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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