dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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