i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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