Soap is not a condiment
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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