The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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