you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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