how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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