Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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