There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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