so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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