Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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