his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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