Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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