Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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