So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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