you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize